An open letter to the purveyors of instant messaging software —
Sirs,
For years I’ve been an avid user of your products. I’ve sent and received thousands of messages. Often these messages have contained emoticons — your clever portmanteau of emotions and icons.
There’s the sad face for when I’m feeling sad, the furled eyebrow for when I’m confused and the straight face for when I’m shocked but don’t want to comment.
And then there’s the cowboy emoticon; oh how I love the cowboy emoticon.
But, dear people, there is a whole group of IM users who have heretofore gone unrepresented by your emoticons: mustachioed Americans. I am afraid I cannot be silent on this subject any longer.
Did you know 18 percent of Americans wear mustaches?* Are they not people too? If you shave their upper lips, do they not get cold in the winter?
My dear IM software developers, I call upon you today to correct this injustice. Come together and agree to adding mustachioed emoticons to your fine products. I humbly suggest you standardize on a colon followed by a left curly bracket to trigger the digital representation of these fine, manly pieces of Americana.
Make haste, my good people. Let not this injustice stand any longer.
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*Made-up statistic
Update: My friend and colleague Gerardo Obieta has lent his considerable design skills to the cause with the poster below. Please show your support for mustachioed emoticons today.
